ol' blue eye

been thinking a lot lately about my sunshine, lex. it's been over a year since his passing, but recently my heart's been flooded with a large feeling of depravity. lex was my baby. we had him for so long i can't remember what it was like before him. he was my constant dose of sweetness. he'd give you a kiss, or would just sit right by you and let you pet his soft, fabulous hair. 

when things were great, he made it even better by shoving his happy grin face in yours. he was the eternal optimist, rarely in a pissy mood, although got a little shorter fused as he grew older. other than his neuroses, he was perfect. he loved to play. we have this purple ball that he used to pounce, jumping up more fast and furious than vin diesel, and slicker than jackie chan. he was this big fluffy thing with the skinniest q-tip legs. i used to say he was wearing white tube socks. he looked like cotton candy.

i miss the quiet, dead silent times with lex too. he was always focused on you with those most innocent eyes (one was blue). i think the only time he wouldn't really look at me was at the very end. i think about that day too. then kleenex pallet heartbreak sets in. and when you were sad, lex was the one who came up and just sat beside to comfort and soothe you.

since lex has been on my mind, i've felt a need to be closer to my bauey. guess the comfort is that i feel a connection to lex when bauer and i are enjoying a peaceful moment. i know he misses lex more than any of us. lex was the one who welcomed him into our home and was an excellent helper in raising baby bauer. they were perfect playmates since toto was more of a loner, and mattie is a sleeper. i loved watching them run around and chase one another. it was a real circus.

older bauer doesn't like to play much, and pretty much sits in "his room" (the sunroom) on his papasan. nowadays, i let him up as my cuddle bear when i'm on the chaise in the sunroom. i remember when he was just 8 pounds, and now he's close to 80. still has that puppy face though, and he still can't help falling asleep when he hears that certain cello cd that i played when i would leave for work when he was a puppy.

yes, lex is in a better place with toto, and their other dog friends. but selfishly, i just wish he were here with me instead. 

i love you lexy, and miss you so much.


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